FUCKEN YUM: IS MY BOD RACIST 2WARDS GLUTEN??! FMLLLLLL

Only Mandy could turn a gluten-intolerance diagnosis into a full-blown existential crisis. But was it FUCKEN YUM?

symptoms-of-gluten-intolerance
Fucken yum?

OMFG U GUYZ! U MISSED ME I NO IT LOL im soooooooo sorry its been like 17 million yrs since I have upd8ed u on wut is FUCKEN YUM n wut is not (JUST FYI mah face hasnt aged 1 singel say since then tho lololol ugh my old ass mom must be sooooooo jelly bc she ages like 12x more than tha usual person per each n ev second WUT A C-U-NEXT-FUCKEN-TUESDAY rite??!?!??!?! Im just a lil pissy rn lol ignore me ill get 2 it after my deepest apologi) so YA! U miss me n I am so sorry plz don h8 me (unless ur just a h8er troll in lyf 24-7 if so then u can TALK 2 THA HAND BC THE BEAUTIFUL YUNG SASSY N SMART RINKEL FREE FACE DUN WANNA HERE IT).

Not 2 b 2 emo about shizz but growin up is HARD STUFF n sumtimez u dun wanna do NUTHIN @ ALL specially if it requires ur brain. liek, i get it…. Every1s lyf is sucky sumtimez no matter the age but for me RN, its worse than u can possibly imagin. OKOK IM BEIN A DRAMA QUEEN LOL BOW DOWN BIATCHES but 4 reals, sumthin happened about 2 weeks ago that will prob change my lyf 4 evz… even worse maybe than that really reateardead fat camp syco bullshitt.

So 1st of all u all no how i am such a foodie. food n reportin on food n eatin n ingreedients n dinin n pilates (not the exercise 1 but tha 1 in ur mouth lol) n taste buds r my HOLE ENTIRE LYFE. u no this bc u r a fan n u support me by takin a lil gander at this site every 1nce in a while & 4 that I thank u. to my fans I wanna say that U R my everythin like nick lachey n the other dilfs of 98 degrees once said. but 2day I need u all 2 b extra strong for me bc my foodie carriere might be over 4EVER!

Heres the thing: I started getting wierd stomac pains a bit ago n my bitchass mom (u no her u DONT luv her but u get the idea of how she be sometimes) was all liek “o hunny its just postdramatic stress diseas from wen u were at that reateardead fatcamp I sent u 2 liek a total fucken idiot that turned out 2 b a clique or cult or w/e u call it go see my creepass perv friend joseph hes a therapist (EMFASIS ON RAPIST LOL hes such a freak I bet hes vegan or a nudist or sumthin liek that) he can help u. but as u n I both no, my moms a fucken dummy so I webmded my symptums n it looks liek I might b GLUTEN INTOLLORENT LIEK A FULLON BASIC!!!!!!

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(YO I CUD B LIVIN MY BEST LYFE RN LIEK THIS LADY COVERED IN ANGELIC GLUTEN BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I GOTTA B PREDJUDICE 2 IT BC MY BOD H8S ME!!)

liek if u think im gonna buy into this bull n start a gluten free foodie blog then u r SORELY MISTAKEN!!!! If this is 4 reals my diagnoses, i will literally DIE!!! liek does my bod hav ZERO RESPECT 4 my REP?!?! does it not realize that I have A JOB 2 DO 4 A V BIG AUDIENCE n H8ERS 2 CLAP BACK @ W MY SUPERIOR TASTE BUDS THAT R ALL INCLUCIVE LIEK PPL SEEM 2 WANT THESE DAYS??!? Y IS MY BOD RACIST 2WARDS GLUTEN WEN ITS SO DELISHH??!?!? SO FUCKEN YUMMMM!???

I have a DR apointment next week 2 let me no if this tradgedy is true. Plz keep me in ur prayers. i also smashed my iphone6 screen 4 the 3rd time ever 2day n I cant even text or gram or snapchat rite n I really dun need that shit rn. I mite as well be on FUCKEN MARZ OR SUM SHIT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!


FUCKEN YUM is the Internet’s only foodie column written in a teenager’s id.
Mandy, the author of FUCKEN YUM, may live in perpetual state of impulse but that only means she’s capable of enlightening insights on life and diet you won’t find anywhere else.
For more, follow: @lamegenerator.

 


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