FUCKEN YUM: MY B-SHITTER MOM SAYS I STR8 UP ALMOST DYED LOL

fucken-yum-hello

sooooooo….* cricket sounds * this gonna b super fucken awks. I no its been a week r mayb 2-3 or mayb 6 (hard 2 remember time n shizz) since u heard from me but theres a vvvv good reason 4 that. trussss. u guys r NOT gonna believe this.

#1 thing 2 no is that im finally back @ home, wich is both gud n liek super fucken annoyin… gud bc I have internet (obvz) n also gud bc turns out fat camp was more than just a fat camp. it was a legit fucken freakshow. How do I mean legit? well my frienz, ur about 2 find out. hold on 2 ur fedoras, bois (if u r 1 of said bois hmu lol)

Mmmmk, so on the pos side of things, Im approx. 3 pound liter now then b4 fat camp n my d-slurpin mom iz bringin me 2 florida next week bc flights r sups cheap rn and she says ive “been thru a LOT!” and im like chill bitch imma surviver like Beyonce (shoutout 2 kelly Rowland saw that bitch on empire holy shit shes such an amazin actress liek no joke at all u gotta see it 2 believe it) but ya flordia could b kewl. All this 2 say I lost 3 lbs so im p much set 4 BIKINI SAISON BBs! Lol jk im fat 4ever, especialy bc now I know that fat camp is a BIG FUCKEN SHAM!

K so 1st things 1st im the rillest LOL IGGY so 2014 omg good job mandy ur actually ancient. K but 4 reals heres what happened at BALUGA WHALE CONSENTRATION CAMP: we wurked our fucken asses off day in n day out. Last time u guys herd from me we got like 1 POS (= piece o shit but ok 4 ur rents/higher ups 2 see lol I thought that 1 up in BLUBBER BLASTIN JAIL) meal per day n like no sleep wut-so-ever. Not like I was gettin any sleep w KAREN KLUMP (like that Eddy Murphy movie were every1 is fat as fuck lol) around b4 they started wurkin us 2 death but newayz yeah it got realllllly bad. So we wurked, went to seshs (like life advice n psycology n lessons n stuff), wurked summore, more sesh, ate LITERAL ACTUAL FUCKEN DOG SHIT (ok not 4 real dog shit but u no wut I mean) on some days n others we’d have NUTHING AT ALL, then more work, then sleep 4 2-3 hrs max. then back to the beginning.

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FYI ABOVE IS A KLUMP IN CASE U HAVENT SEEN THE CLASSIC FILM

I got pretty chill there 4 a bit n thought it all made sense n helped my life n fatness n w/e, but every1 got so FUCKEN WEIRD a little l8er… liek, whoa. Ronda (who I thought was an angelbaby sent 2 earth 2 save me or w/e bc she taught me how 2 be a better me n stuff) started givin seshs about the 1 True Holy Power who I guess was her BF or usin her bf as a messenger or sumthin lol im super bad at listenin esp when things seem like church or school bc 4 real when u gonna need that shizz? Newayz we started doin dumass shit liek chanting n cleanin his nast jizzy boxers n lettin him chill w us 2 late into the nite.. I swear 2 god im pretty sure he hooked up w sum of the campers liek EWWWW hes 50 n most of these gurls (N GUYS!!) r TEENS. The CRAZIEST part is that Ronda didnt seem 2 care AT ALL. liek, GURL, thats YOUR MAN!! he literally wanted us 2 stay there 4ever… we were all fucken tubbo lards so I guess we needed a longer stay then usual lol it got SO FUCKEN BORIN after a while bc the power was out we couldnt use phone or tv or… *drumroll plz* INTERNET!!!! I WAS LIEK CAN I LIVE?!?!?! how am I supposed 2 no who made vevos best of 2015 if I dun have the fucken internet?! its actually kinda a war crime (can u tell I did sum readin while i was there lol).

adele vevo.jpg

FML I DINDT EVEN HEAR HELLO TIL LIEK LAST WEEK!!!!!!!!!

Newayz so I guess sum1’s parents were pissed they couldnt call their kid n came up to camp themselfs (OMG I WOULD HAVE DYYYYYEEEEED so embarrassing esp if it was my wacktard mom IMAGINE?!?) n called the cops n then we all went home. i wuz SUPER PISSED bc we were all about 2 try tha new steam room thingy we been buildin for the last few weeks that wuz supposed 2 help us lose SO MUCH WEIGHT that wed be brought 2 the NEXT LEVEL, wutever that means. N now I am here. TAH DAAAAH! The popo told me 2 stay off my blog 4 a bit wile the legal stuffs goin down but u no me I couldnt resist v long bc I MISS MY RIDE R DIE FOODIE FANZ! TL;DR (lol i do reddit now): I CAN EAT WUTEVER FOOD MY LIL HART DESIRES NOW so i can bring u more of tha content (thats blogger lingo 4 artickles FYI) u no n luv.


3 thoughts on “FUCKEN YUM: MY B-SHITTER MOM SAYS I STR8 UP ALMOST DYED LOL

  1. Learning the lingo, takes a while when you’re an old timer, but getting there … noticed you had 18 tags, did u no (see what I did there?) you don’t get on WordPress tag lists with 15 or more?

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