Am I Eating My Feelings Or Am I Just Hungry?

emotional eating
If a big star like James Franco eats his emotions, can it really be such a bad thing?

Lately, I’ve been eating two to three times a day and I’m just not sure whether I’ve been truly hungry or if I’ve been eating my feelings. To get to the bottom of this, I’ve devised a little checklist–that you can use, I guess–to find out whether or not I’m hungry or if I’m eating my feelings. 

1. Look for a slow build. 

Physical hunger comes on gradually, kind of like how sadness slowly swells beneath the surface. Emotional hunger is sudden, like the grumblings of a tummy.

2. Listen for grumblings. 

When your stomach is truly empty, it’ll feel as hollow as you do when you get up to face the world every morning, and you’ll experience gurgles and hunger pangs.

3. Ask yourself what you’re hungry for. 

True physical hunger can be satisfied with any food. You’ll at least have some inclining of what you want if you’re really hungry. If you ask yourself, “What am I hungry for?” and the answer is, “Love and acceptance,” then you’re not actually hungry.

4. Wait. 

Distract yourself with a task before you begin the binge. If you are still hungry once the task is completed, find something else to do. If you can learn how to function without ever eating, you won’t have to worry about whether you’re genuinely hungry or eating your feelings ever again! Not to mention your body will be beach ready if you have any strength left to drag your skeletal figure to the beach next summer.

5. Drink water.

Many people confuse hunger with thirst, thinking they need food when their bodies actually need fluids. So drink a glass of water, then wait 10 minutes. If you’re still hungry, it’s legitimate. If you are still hungry, keep drinking water until you’re so bloated that the thought of eating anything makes you sick.

6. Stick something else in your mouth. 

If gum satisfies you, it’s not hunger but rather your impulse to chew up your feelings into itty bitty bits and swallow them deep down inside of you.

Now that you know how to identify whether or not you are eating to satiate or to eat your emotions, remember that there’s nothing wrong with eating your emotions away. Well, other than all the medical implications. As far as I can tell, eating your emotions is a lot healthier than bottling them up. Bottling up emotions and carrying them around for a lifetime can cause tumours, ulcers, zits and other undesirable growths from stress. At least when you eat your emotions, it only takes about an average 53 hours to shit them out and flush them away forever.

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6 thoughts on “Am I Eating My Feelings Or Am I Just Hungry?

  1. That’s great! I noticed lately, that I don’t even need to eat supper. I used to eat supper because my mom made it when I got home from work but now I realize I am ok with just lunch. Not even breakfast. Isn’t that weird? Society always told me to eat three meals a day, which made me kind of chubby, which gave me low self-esteem. But now that I live on my own and am completely free to do whatever I want to, I realize that one meal a day is completely fine, and I have lost so much weight, and I don’t feel depressed as much because I can walk down the street knowing I am at least averagely attractive.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. This is hilarious! I am actually in recovery from anorexia and this just made my day! I love the irreverence! Thank you a thousand times for not being sensitive and coddling!!
    God Bless you and satire!!
    (I don’t actually believe in God, but if I did I would have meant the last bit.)

    Liked by 1 person

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