Greetings n salutations fellow foodies (ugh I juust barfed in my mouth a lil that was a joke im not a nerd but u should no that already bc u wudnt follow me if I was a loser nerd who sat around all day watching booooring shit liek Star Trek 2 Electric Boogaloo or watevz TF its called, rite?) can u tell im fed up w my boring fat nerd roommate or wut?
Heres the skinny (wich I am not according 2 my satan’s asshole of a mother) – its my 2nd week at whale rehab n I am luvin every second of it and learning sooooooo much!!! ROFLMFAO if u believe that ur obv a little touched. Wait – r u my roommate Karen? LOLOLOL she prob couldn’t find this page if I shuved it in her enorrrrrrmus mouth n then pulled it out of her enorrrrrmus ass. OMG HOLD UP – SHE’S ENORM-ASS! LOL fuck i should rlly start that YT channel bc im funny as a monkeys asshole (guess who came up w that one MY ratchet-ass MOM obv).
NEWAYZ fat camp sux harder than a Hoover vac, AKA my roommate Karen in the caf during lunchtime LOLOLOL. Ok, enuff w the jokes – my adviser Ronda calls them a “cooping mechanism”. To me that sounds liek a good thing, but apparently it isn’t n is keeping me from finding my truth. Ronda is wayyyyy cooler than my mom bc she has long hair (wich my mom says is xclusively for kids but that’s obv dumb) and wears super sick clothes & her BF (who is pretty hawwwt for an old dude) (ew I cant believe I said that im such a reverse pedo) straight up OWNS this place so theyre prob loaded. Not Kim & Kanye loaded obv, but he prob takes her shoppin at Sephora for leik no reason (THE DREAM!!!! Lol) hell on earth is not my fave place in tha world (UNDERSTATEMENT MUCH LOL) but I can respect a entrepeneure.
“BUT MANDY!” ur prob asking “WUT ABOUT THE FOOOOOOD?!” u wanna no bout the food? Ok, ill tell you about the food. Get ready 4 a bumpy ride bbs – its depressin. Bfast (EMPHASIS ON THE FAST LOL WUT IS THIS LENT?!) is mostly oatmealy shizz sumtimes referred 2 as gruelle in prison movies n old timey ones starring poor ppl too. Liek, cant a bitch get a hashbrown or 2 up in here? If its not gruelle (wich it prob is lol n 4 the record is NOT FUCKEN YUM @ ALL) its a green juice – kinda like wut celebs gram but usually more gray lookin (IS IT YUM? MAYB IF U R A HOBO WHO HAS NEVR HAD A WARM MEAL IN UR LYFE BUT MAYB TRIED GRUELLE 1 TIME!!!!) I suggested we all try a Lyfe or FitTea Teatox (KYLIE’S FAVE N VVV EFFECTIVE OBV) but the caf ppl were all “wuts that?” (!!!!) Can u say ignerent? Like r u from outerspace?
(this could b me rn but noooooooo im @ budgetass fat camp were no1 nos wut the FUCKEN INTERNET OR KYLIE JENNER IS!!!!!!!!)
I g2g rn but will tell yall bout lunch later. If u can believe me it only gets worse.
MY LYFE SUXXXXXX RN! WHERES THA YUM???!!! DONT I DESERVE YUM?!! WUT DID I DO KILL MY OWN MOTHER?!?!?! MAYBE IN MY DREAMS BUT THAT DON’T COUNT, RITE?!?!! O YA N I HEAR THERES A NEW SBUX FRAP 4 HALLOWEEN WTF Y AM I HERE IN THIS TIME OF NEED??!?? FML FML FML FML IT LOOKS FUCKEN NAST BUT IM SURE ITS MORE FUCKEN YUM THEN NETHING IVE HAD IN THE LAST 2 WKS HOLY SHIT FML FML FML ME WANTYYYYYYY (lol wen it comes 2 sbux im 3 @ heart dun juge me) THOSE DUDES ON MY INSTA TOTS READ MY MIND WEN THEY SAID **FRAP FRAP FRAP** or wutevz. LUV YA GUYZ N SHOUTOUT 2 ALL MAH FOLLOWERS STAY BLESSED BBs!