The Nicessist Guide to Gun Control

What’s more important? The right to hold a lethal, metal phallus or human lives? With The Nicessist Guide to Gun Control, you might just find the answer. 


Gun control: the only two words that makes conservative American dicks limper than “health care”.

So THEY are trying to take your guns away, are they? Truth be told, you should probably let them because it’s clear that you can’t be trusted to use them safely on your own. 274 into 2015 and there have been 294 mass shootings (mass shootings defined here by 4 or more people injured or killed by gunfire).

380 people have died in mass shootings in the United States so far this year with nearly a thousand injured. And that’s not even counting the nearly 10,000 people killed and 20,000 wounded in nearly 40,000 gun violence incidents so far this year. Expect these numbers to be a million times higher if you are reading this later than the date of publication.

So here’s the deal: If a child is given a toy and it continues to hurt itself or other children with it, the toy must be removed, right? Maybe science and technology have made leaps and bounds in parenting that we’re not aware of, but the removal method seems to be pretty tried a true.

In this scenario, gun wielders are the child, perpetually hurting themselves but mostly innocent others with said toy (guns). The government, as much ire as this analogy will draw, are the parents that must do something to correct this problem. Or to use an analogy that will draw even more ire, the government is the nanny tasked with keeping the children alive because daddy (the Founding Fathers) died a long, long time ago. They have to at least try and intervene or else they wouldn’t be doing their job.

Of course, gun control needs to be intelligently designed, effectively implemented and responsive to ongoing changes in criminal activity. That’s not something we are prepared to or capable of offering in this measly little blog post.

But the point remains, you’ve proven that you can’t play nice so you don’t get your toy anymore. Even if you use guns safely and are of sound mind, the lot that chose to use guns to shoot innocent people have ruined it for you. Maybe instead of fighting gun control, you could spend some time improving mental health programs because 40,000 incidents of gun violence so far this year is a sign something’s got to give.

3 thoughts on “The Nicessist Guide to Gun Control

  1. Excellent job. You have summed up the situation perfectly and the analogy used is spot-on. On my “life” blog (lifeattitudes) I recently posted my confusion over the USA Network delaying their season finale of their show “Mr. Robot” one week because of a live television shooting aired in Virginia. The reason for the delay? It was similar to a scene in the episode. Two things occurred to me…what exactly is different a week from now? And, do we realize the insanity of considering it totally acceptable as entertainment seven days later? Obviously we don’t get it. You do.

    Liked by 1 person

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