lol epic title much? I reeeeeallly wanted to start off this post w a bang so I was like, “mandy, think bout ur fave coffee shop then channel yr mom when she’s bein a huge embarassin dumbass” and voila! Soooo why am I putting so much thot n eff into this headline? BC today’s post is v, V importanté (lol that’s my stupid mom sneaking in2 my brain again) – TIS THE SEAS OF DA LATTE, aka the GR8EST SEASON OF THEM ALL.
Firstly, u all know that I fux w the bux (AKA the 1 n only STARBUCKS) on the reg (if u don’t believe me, read my SBUX MINI FRAP article hater). Secondly, u prob think u no how I feel about, oh I dunno, the Pumpkin Spice Latte phenom, but I srsly doubt u have ne clue. Liek that famous quote goes: U DON’T KNOW ME! Well u do a lil lol bc u read my column all the time n if u don’t GTFO hater! Jk jk we cool.
So, back 2 bizz – right here, right now, I’m gonna address one of the biggest, newest fall-specifc feuds of the 21st century. PUNKIN SPICE VS. TOASTY GRAHAM LATTE – which ones FUCKEN YUM and which is FUCKEN NAST! THE RESULTS WILL SHOCK N UPHAUL U (if yr a dumbass h8er w no buds 4 tastin lol). srry im getting so riled up lol ur prob like “bitch 4got 2 take her meds”. OK HERE GOES:
PUMPKIN: classically reserved 4 basics but still super tasty. Fall is in the air ladies n gents n this is a strong contender 4 drink of da seas, mostly bc it’s a motherfuckin tradition. Spicy, flavored and robust (at least im pretty sure lol) its hard 2 go wrong w this bev. I add cream tho bc lets be real the reg version could be creamier.
TOASTED GRAHAM: gotta love a graham cracker, right folks? **buzz buzz** WRONG! Graham crackers mostly sux dix most of tha time, the exception bein when theres marshmellow n chocolate stacked between 2 of those pieces of trash. They flakey (IN A BAD WAY) n crunchy with NO SOFTNESS – leik, where’s the texture, GRAHAM?! Ppl say Pumpkin is 4 basics, but Graham is SO BASIC it makes me wanna DIE! It’s like, look up BASIC in the FUCKEN DICTIONARY n u’ll see a pic of a nast graham cracker that’s been left in a cupboard to die bc every1 thinks its ugly n no one wants it. FUCK U GRAHAM LEAVE PUMPKIN ALONE U BITCHASS H8ER. Stop tryin so hard ur makin urself look like a fucken fall freak idiot.
VERDICT: PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE is FUCKEN YUM n deserves to b served at SBUX. NEONE who thinks Toasted Graham should take the prize is, yes folks, TOTALLY TOASTED IN THE BRAIN from smoking 2 much weed n, 2 b real, probably CRYSTAL METH AS WELL! Don’t even get me started on the Salted Caramel Mocha. sorry 4 bein so intense u guys – I’m PMSing v v hard rn. Sorry, but it’s true.