NASA Finds Water on Mars, But Can You Put Crystal Light In It?


Earlier today, NASA announced that they have found evidence of water on Mars. So what’s the big deal? How should you feel about this interplanetary discovery? Indifferent! That is, until they answer the most pressing question: “Can you put Crystal Light in it?”

Strong evidence for seasonal flows of liquid salty water have been detected by NASA’s Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter, report scientists in a paper published Monday in the journal Nature Geoscience. That could theoretically provide the conditions necessary for microbes to exist on the surface of Mars.

The new study looked at streaks that form on some slopes on Mars during warmer times of the year. Scientists previously suspected they might be caused by flowing, salty water. The streaks, which are less than five metres wide and called “recurring slope lineae,” appear in the summer when temperatures can get above the freezing point of even fresh water and well above the freezing point of salty water – between -23 C and +27 C. They disappear during colder seasons.

But no salt or water had previously been detected in those streaks.

Now, Lujendra Ojha, a PhD candidate in planetary sciences at the Georgia Institute of Technology, and his colleagues are reporting they have detected the chemical signatures of brines in the streaks that suggest those streaks form as the result of “water activity on Mars” that’s still happening today.

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

But why hasn’t the most important the question been answered? The most important question being, of course: “Can a low-cal beverage mix that offers naturally and artificially sweetened beverage options in multiple flavours be added to the brine?”

NASA officials have refused to comment on whether or the water activity found on Mars can be mixed with Crystal Light and therefore we refuse to participate in the hype. Given that it’s been described as briney, it seems like the most pressuring issue would be how to make it taste good. But alas, NASA is more interested in its implications for extra-terresterial life.

Since its introduction in 1982, Crystal Light has made water significantly better by adding some much needed flavour to the otherwise bland beverage. Any water that has not been and cannot be infused with Crystal Light simply does not matter. And yes, that extends water found on other planets.

It’s a shame to see NASA stoop so low. Releasing “scientific breakthroughs” without due diligence. All we want to know is, “Can we add Crystal Light to the Mars water?” If so, we’d be happy to celebrate this breakthrough. But until then, we have to stand firm on our position. If you can’t add Crystal Light to it, then why does it matter?

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