6 Benefits of Smoking Cigarettes Doctors Don’t Want You To Know About

cigarette-pack (1)

Smoking cigarettes is widely considered bad for you, however there is an upside to coating your vital organs in delicious, Virginia-grown tar. Here now are the 6 benefits of smoking cigarettes doctors don’t want you to know about (which incidentally is not at all a blatant attempt to get a cut of that big tobacco money).¬†

1. Smoking cigarettes lowers the risk of knee-replacement surgery

A study from the University of Adelaide in Australia found that men who smoked had less risk of undergoing total joint replacement surgery than those who abstained from smoking.¬†Knee-replacement surgery was most common among joggers and the obese; smokers rarely jog due to the severe lack of lung capacity, and they are less likely to be obese because…

2. Smoking cigarettes keeps you slim

Nicotine travels to the brain and hooks up with neurons in the hypothalamus, which houses the brain function that controls feeding. The message it sends to receptors is to reduce food intake as it will only prolong your wait for another dose of that sweet, sweet nicotine.

Furthermore, smoking cigarettes kills your sense of taste. This means smokers are better at moderating their calorie intake because they derive little to no pleasure from munching flavourless mush. Eating is simply a necessity for smokers, not a luxury.

3. Smoking lowers the risk of Parkinson’s disease

Long-term smokers are somehow protected against Parkinson’s, and it’s not just because smokers die of emphysema before they can exhibit ¬†Parkinson’s symptoms. Though science hasn’t settled on an explanation, we posit that smokers are better equipped to handle sudden tremors because…

4. Smoking reduces anxiety

Wouldn’t you like to steal away to have some “me”-time during the day? What if you could steal away to have some “me”-time 25+ times a day? Smoking can do that for you. Simply stop whatever you’re doing and go enjoy a cigarette. Work, family dinners, funerals, school. They can all wait for you while you fulfill your craving and get some much needed breaks amidst the wild pace of the 21st century.

5. Smoking lowers the risk of death by heart attacks

Smokers who have who have had heart attacks seem to have lower mortality rates and more favourable responses to recovery therapy.

The reason why smokers have heart attacks is that smoke scars the arteries, allowing fat and plaque to build up in the first place. So, one theory as to why smokers do better than non-smokers after such therapies is that they are younger, experiencing their first heart attack approximately 10 years before the non-smoker.

But hey! At least you got that first heart attack out of the way early. What doesn’t kill ya only makes ya stronger! (if you’re a smoker)

6. Smoking keeps you humble

The price of cigarettes continues to climb because it’s a great cash cow for governments worldwide. Buying one or more packs a day is a surefire way to ensure destitution. Taking up smoking is making the choice that you don’t need nice, luxurious things to make you happy because you’ll never be able to afford any of it anyway. All you need to be happy is that cheap thrill of breathing in a a tuft of blue smoke and blowing it back out for non-smokers to clandestinely enjoy.

NOTE:¬†This post was in no way sponsored by any tobacco company. However, as you can see, we are quite good at arguing for why smoking cigarettes could be beneficial to your average non-smoker. That’s why we are going on the record to say that we would gladly accept any tobacco company’s dump truck full of cash and cartons to continue with pro-smoking propaganda.

So please, tobacco companies, choose us to shill your products.

One thought on “6 Benefits of Smoking Cigarettes Doctors Don’t Want You To Know About

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s