For the fourth entry of FAQ’d by Shaq, Shaq MacNeil answers the most frequently asked questions about the world’s best beverage, wine, and gets all FAQ’d up in the process.
Shaq, what is wine?
Wine is an alcoholic beverage made from fermented grapes or other fruits. It comes in two flavours: red or pee-colour.
It’s been consumed for thousands of years because it just takes the edge off so nice. The earliest evidence of human beings enjoying an ice cold cup of wine comes from the Republic of Georgia, where 8,000 year-old wine jars were uncovered in 2003. Now that’s a vintage I’d like to spit out.
Shaq, how come wine taste so good?
What you’re tasting is the all natural chemical balance. The yeast eats the sugar and converts it to delicious ethanol and carbon dioxide. Refreshing!
Shaq, how do I pick a good wine to impress my dinner guests?
Picking a good wine for a classy, uptown dinner party is of the utmost importance because the right wine can truly make every bite of dinner taste better. As if that wasn’t enough pressure already, serving a Shiraz in place of a Malbec might get you shunned and possibly convicted.
You’re better off cancelling your dinner party.
Shaq, what is the best way to save leftover wine?
I don’t understand the question (though it is a great question). What do you mean by “leftover wine”? Once you pop the cork or broken the seal, you have to drink all the wine as fast as possible or else your liver could fall out of your butt.
Shaq, is wine good for me?
Yes. It is.
It’s an anti-coagulate.
Red wine in particular is great for reducing the risk of coronary heart disease.
And we can’t underestimate the emotional benefits of drinking whole litres of wine. It’s like someone’s giving you the warmest hug of all time from inside your stomach. Doesn’t that make you feel nice?
So Shaq, what now?