For the third edition of FAQ’d by Shaq, Shaq MacNeil answers the most frequently asked questions about love.
Shaq, what is Love?
Great question, Haddaway.
There are many kinds of love. Family, friends, food, films, other “F” words. But those can be taken for granted 99% of the time.
Romantic love is really the only type of love worth talking about because it is JUICY.
Shaq, what is romantic love?
If we’ve learned anything from romance-connoisseur Nicolas Sparks, it’s that true romantic love is when you find someone who is willing to makeout with you in the rain. They don’t care how wet they get, they just want to touch lips til pneumonia sets in.
Shaq, how do i find romantic love?
There are a number of different ways you can find romantic love, Deb Edison.
You can undermine someone’s confidence by making a backhanded compliment or snide remark so that they will be tricked into pining for your approval wherever fine alcoholic beverages are served.
You can create accounts at all major and fringe dating/hook-up sites/apps, curate your nicest pictures, lie extensively about the details of life as well as your interests and send “Sup?” to all the local singles and polyamorists in your area.
But my personal recommendation is that you print off 1000’s of fliers with your face, phone number and the declaration “I’m looking for love!” Then post them around your area or within the distance you’re willing to travel to meet your future soulmate.
You may balk at the suggestion but may I remind you that New York man Dan Perino actually did this and subsequently received more than 8,000 respondents. (Full story here).
Shaq, does love hurt?
Yeah. It can.
I believe it was Dan McGarrity of the band Nazereth who once sang: “I’m young, I know, but even so I know a thing or two. And I learned from you. I really learned a lot. Really learned a lot.” Yes, those are the actual lyrics to “Love Hurts”.
What I’m trying to say by quoting my good friend Dan is that: yes, love may hurt. But at the end of the day, it’s a great opportunity for you to contemplate what you’ve learned from the good times and the bad and ultimately grow as a person.
So yeah. Love can hurt. But it can also be really, really, really dope. Should it sour, at least you can contemplate things and hopefully experience some personal growth.
You just got to remember one thing about love: it’s a WIN-WIN.
So Shaq, what now?